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Joke of the Day

"Did y'all hear about the kid born without eye lids Whenever they circumcised him they used the skin to make him eye lids. He's doing well but they say he's a lil cock eyed now"

"What's a good Christmas gift for the woman who already has everything except morals?"

"Where Do Pirates From Kansas Go? AR-Kansas"

"[phone rings] ""Is your refrigerator running?"" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* ""I don't know what he's doing anymore."""

"Getting old sucks. I walked into the bathroom and forgot what I went in there for. And then I shit my pants."

"How many Creationists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? God."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!"

"Only 90s kids will remember this (picture of burning buildings in Sarajevo) Wait wait no (picture ofmass graves in Bosnia) Wait no. Hold on"

"Today I learned that 48% of women in the U.S. are battered... and to think I've been eating mine plain for all these years."

"My friend threw a block of cheese at me today....... I said 'that's not very mature'"