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Joke of the Day

"Getting old sucks. I walked into the bathroom and forgot what I went in there for. And then I shit my pants."

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"[genie emerges from his lamp] Master, what is thy [he sees me on the bed pointing at the remote like 3ft away] Are u kidding me"
"5-year-old: What happens if the baby pees? Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool"
"What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis. BTW. I know this is not a medially accurate joke"
"What's the worst thing about sex? Buffering."
"A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead and she sighs. ""Here we go again."""
"I spent the entire day throwing darts at a picture of my wife. *wife phones* Wife: What you doing? Husband: Missing you."
"What do you call someone incapable of eating people? A can't-ibal"
"for several hours a day, we are just an arrow floating on a screen"
"""You give me one leather jacket, I invest it, then give you back TWO leather jackets!"" - Fonzi Scheme"
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