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Joke of the Day

"Today I learned that 48% of women in the U.S. are battered... and to think I've been eating mine plain for all these years."

"No, YOUUU had a kid just so you could have someone to eat pizza and play video games with"

"Did you hear about the cannibal that went to the rock concert? He heard there was a Jimmy Buffet."

"Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on."

"Explaining a fountain to a 3rd world country must be weird. 'Yeah we just shoot clean water into the air and throw our extra money into it'."

"I hated my job at medieval times because I always got stuck working on the knight shift"

"What is the official novel of Mexico? Tequila Mockingbird"

"What car does Woody drive? AUDI ADUI ADUI!"

"My wife is like a Mermaid Below her pelvis, she smells like fish."

"If they cause you to have anxiety & panic attacks the majority of your relationship, move on. In related news, I just broke up with my mom"