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Joke of the Day

"[phone rings] ""Is your refrigerator running?"" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* ""I don't know what he's doing anymore."""

"Michelle Obama telling America to drink more water is the best plan I've heard for making racists dehydrate to death."

"A comedian dressed up as Santa tells a joke to a man The man laughs so hard he can't stop and is about do die. Just before he dies, though, he looks at the comedian and says, ""You sleigh me."""

"If you've never had a 4 hour conversation about which cartoon character gives the best blowjobs, then I question your commitment to tequila."

"Patriot - n. someone who wears a flag pin while moving a corporation overseas to avoid taxes"

"Why do redditors hate Ellen Pao as CEO? It was the Wong choice"

"War: what is it good for? Resource acquisition, eliminating your enemies, blowing stuff up, feeling like a big man. So, lots actually."

"Everyone in my house has diarrhea I guess it runs in the family"

"What game do enemy naval officers play in the sauna? Battleshvitz"

"Kryptonite They call my dick Kryptonite, Because not even Superman can handle it. Boom!"