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Joke of the Day

"My son challenged my wife & I to a game of hide-and-seek. We took off for the weekend and left him some food. In your face, loser!"

"M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai- H: What? M: I saw you pecan! H: No, I wasn- M: You're macadamian me mad. H: You're nuts."

"Excuse me - can you tell me the way to the Staten Island Ferry? Thpeaking."

"My ex told me that Gaga's ""Bad Romance"" song reminds him of me. Now I'm glad I dumped him. What sort of idiot admits to listening to Gaga."

"""Omelet you finish."" - Kanyegg West"

"what is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? snowballs..."

"What is your favorite biology joke?"

"What does a baby look like after a minute in the microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."

"At first I thought the Chinese restaurant canceled my reservation... But then I realized I went to the Wong one."

"How does a cow quickly do math? With a cow-culator! (Rimshot)"