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Joke of the Day

"""IS THERE A DOCTOR ON THE PLANE???"" [i stand up super fast & knock myself out on the luggage compartment, requiring another doctor]"

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't. They just beat the room for being black."

"Unless you are a pregnancy test, take your negativity somewhere else."

"Why girls want to be mermaids 1. No pants 2. No periods 3. Perfect hair 4. You get to lure men to their deaths 5. Free clam bra"

"The elephant and the naked man. What did the elephant say to the naked man? ""How do you eat with that?"" :D"

"Two yrs ago I weighed 296lbs. Today I weigh 293lbs. Hard work makes dreams come true, folks."

"I'm planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can't have any biologically."

"So many people have a messiah complex these days.... I'm like ""Jesus Christ!"""

"Bad News I heard that the Italian Government is joining forces with ISIS thus changing their name to Italian ISIS Tommy G"

"Have you ever been to a Native American orgy? It's fucking intense man!"