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Joke of the Day

"Two yrs ago I weighed 296lbs. Today I weigh 293lbs. Hard work makes dreams come true, folks."

"So sick of musicians telling lovers in songs that they'd give them stuff if they only had it to give. That's too easy, assholes."

"Did you hear about them computer geeks, who were also miners by trade, who sang a cover of that Motorhead song? They called it The Acer Spades."

"Whatever doesn't kill you TRIED TO KILL YOU!"

"What does a vegetarian hunter say before dinner? ""Lettuce prey"""

"What 20th century composer would make the best bartender? Philip Glass. (fill up glass)"

"Why do people say love is like chemistry? Because you can put it in someones drink"

"I need a joke. I need a quick joke to tell Dennis tomorrow. He always tells me a good one and I want to hit him back with a good one."

"Why do businessmen carry umbrellas? Because umbrellas can't walk."

"What do you feel when there's no coffee left? Depresso"