211653

Joke of the Day

"Everyone is surprised when I tell them I've never seen the movie fight club I don't see what the big deal is. No one really talks about it."

"*opens door* Stop screaming! *opens door* What broke?! *opens door* Just wait until I get out there!! ~parenting from the bathroom"

"Why won't Monica Lewinsky vote for Hillary as president? The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth."

"I want to get a dog just so I can name it Stain That way when I take it to the park, and if it runs off, I can yell ""come Stain!"""

"What do you call two women standing side by side? Four abreast!"

"Did you hear about the fire at the flame retardant textile manufacturer? Someone left the irony on..."

"What do accountants use for birth control? Their personalities."

"What rhymes with Snoop? Dr Dre"

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian tells him... ""Fuck off you won't bring it back"""

"Don't buy Colgate whitening toothpaste!! Label reads: Guaranteed whiteness in only 14 days... 15 days later and I'm still black."