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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the fire at the flame retardant textile manufacturer? Someone left the irony on..."

"What do all murderer's have in common? they all have killer personalities"

"A boob job sounds like the best job in the world."

"Hired a gardener today and gave him a list of things to do. When I got back home he'd only done tasks 1,3 & 5. Turns out he's an odd job man."

"-40 outside sounds brutally cold, Fahrenheit or Celsius. My friend Kelvin just rolled his eyes."

"What's the difference between RPGs and Drunken Style Kung Fu? In the first, you must drink a lot of liquids before battle, but in the latter, you only pretend."

"What do women and rocks have in common? You can skip the flat ones."

"A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac lay awake all night wondering if there is a dog. EDIT: Credit to David Foster Wallace."

"What was the catchiest thing of 2014? Ebola"

"I like to go to the vet It's a lot cheaper than the doctor. The only shitty part is the thermometer"