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Joke of the Day

"What does a limp dick and a king cobra have in common? You don't fuck with either of em!"

"I set my Tinder location to Flint, Michigan. Those girls are probably hella thirsty..."

"I asked a friend of mine what it was like being a herb farmer.... ...He said its not so bad and that he had a lot of thyme on his hands."

"Just tried to cook something from scratch and ended up summoning a demon."

"what comes after the bar? f. as in barf because drinking can make people barf .. f could also mean fuck because drinking can make people fuck that is all"

"Husband: I called my boss ""Honey"" today. Wife: What? Why? H: He was shouting at me and telling me I was wrong, and it just slipped out."

"I overheard a work colleague saying they are going to a fancy dress party as a small island of the coast of Italy I said don't be Sicily"

"I bought a tiny chili pepper plant today. I wanted to spice up my apartment."

"I was walking through Home Depot yesterday when I tripped and knocked an industrial vacuum cleaner onto a bunch of carpentry tools. It sucked on so many levels..."

"Teenager is on the verge of comiting suicide, calls the Suicide Line for help... Cops show up to help. They kill him so he doesn't commit suicide."