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Joke of the Day

"I was walking through Home Depot yesterday when I tripped and knocked an industrial vacuum cleaner onto a bunch of carpentry tools. It sucked on so many levels..."

"What do you call it when two Vietnamese people are together? A Nguyen Nguyen situation."

"Why was Hitler late to his meeting? He did nazi how late it was!"

"What's the difference between a fish and a mountain goat? Fish muck about in fountains..."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker? One of them starts a religion after it gets nailed."

"Alright, alright. You can all have jet packs! [two days later] Reporter: Another 8000 dead today due to sky rage."

"Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit."

"So I got asked if I wanted a threesome... I said no thanks, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents."

"Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart. So do Republicans but they don't admit it."

"My mom was the best mom. I hope your mom spends today thinking about what she could've done to get on my mom's level."