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Joke of the Day

"watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence at least we don't have to save for college"

"If my pizza delivery guy isn't blasting Lionel Richie's ""Hello"" from his car when he rings my doorbell, I make him go back and start over."

"If I see you wearing those toe shoes, I will call the police and give them your description every time a crime is reported on the news."

"How do you catch a unique bird? Unique up on it."

"officer: give me your name me: then what am I going to use?"

"I like to push the envelope because it's probably a bill, and eventually it'll fall off the table."

"They say in New York somebody gets stabbed every 15 minutes, poor bastard."

"If you're bringing a kid to my house, it better be a baby goat."

"Nerd joke of the week If Frodo is a Hobbit, are 8 Frodos a Hobbyte?"

"Why couldn't the blonde count to 70? Because 69 was a mouthful"