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Joke of the Day

"What did the pulse say to the legume as he left? Lentil next time."

"Which insect didn't play well in goal? The fumble bee!"

"Surprised to find out that the untold part of Dracula Untold is that he's a weed-smoking libertarian"

"Women always say they want security... When I'm around."

"If you're reading this.. then you are not Floyd Mayweather."

"After Monday and Tuesday Even the calendar says W T F"

"Friends with an ex? I don't even want to be friends with my friends."

"Whats the difference between a black guy and a bench? A bench can support a family"

"If approached by a bear, you can play dead, or you can acknowledge the bear, say hello, and see what it needs. Have some decency"

"I hop in a tanning bed during storms in the hopes of being struck by lightning & turned into a lame, but beautifully bronzed, superhero."