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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator? A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)"

"If at first you don't succeed, then you will have alerted them to your presence. It is important that you at first succeed."

"What's the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old."

"Teacher: In 1940 what were the Poles doing in Russia ? Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it won't come anyways."

"Help! I need a communist christmas one liner! Going to a Christmas party with a communist christmas sweater. Need a good one liner... help!"

"What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip? Murdered in a tunnel in Paris."

"If I were to have an affair I'd make sure to have a signed prehumptial agreement."

"What's the best thing about being a Cubs fan? Not being from Detroit."

"Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him."