211062

Joke of the Day

"Jesus loves me. This I know. For my neighbor told me so. Jesus is a Puerto Rican that lives two doors down. I'm flattered...but straight."

"I left my job today. I couldn't work for that man anymore after what he said to me... ""You're fired!"""

"I changed my ID to say ""Organ Bonor"" rather than ""Organ Donor"". It's spelled wrong, but I hope it still makes the doctor laugh."

"I don't drink, smoke or swear. Holy shit! I dropped my cigarette into my beer!"

"I swear, if I go to read one more goddamn article and I click on it and it's a video, I'll... I'll... tweet about it."

"Obama looks rough after the last 8 years in office. Still better than JFK after 2."

"children are cool because they're the perfect height for me to fart directly into their mouths without having to really exert myself"

"What's a hipster's biggest problem? You probably haven't heard it."

"What is 34.5? 69 for midgets"

"[bed] ME: [with one foot poking out of the covers] Monsters could get me ME: [pulling foot under covers] I am now completely safe"