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Joke of the Day

"Pretty sure Tiger is wasting valuable babysitter fucking time with this press conference."

"Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine doctor. Doctor: Oh really? Mary: Yes she tries to prevent me from making her take it!"

"Riding a horse can be difficult. You could always choose to ride a mule instead... but that would be half-assed."

"My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm too much of an environmentalist... Oh well, not many fish left in the sea"

"Diarrhea is hereditary It runs in your genes"

"[presidents 2km race - finish line] OBAMA (checks stopwatch): just under 10 mins, did I beat the record? CLINTON: no, Bush did 9:11"

"Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment."

"What will Melania Trump say to mexicans if her husband becomes president? Hello from the other side."

"Q: How does a blonde hemophiliac treat herself? A: Acupuncture."

"Danny DeVito... Danny DeVito is 70 years old, but he's had a short life."