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Joke of the Day

"I swear, if I go to read one more goddamn article and I click on it and it's a video, I'll... I'll... tweet about it."

"I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket."

"Bought some sneakers off of a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day!"

"Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan? I don't understand your terms and you keep telling me you have no interest."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside Sorry but after seeing about 5 reposts today, I thought it was open season."

"Don't you hate it when people mirror your joke and get all the credit? p ll pu o no o ldod u no ,uop"

"On the sixth day of Ramadan, my true love gave to me A gay club and an AR-15."

"What is the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke warm"

"I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn't tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies."

"What's the opposite of a somersault? A winter pepper."