211057

Joke of the Day

"A guy says to God: ""God... ... to you a minute is like a million years and a penny is like a million dollars. So, could you give me a penny?"" God replies ""Sure, in a minute"""

"*dad walks in on me doing homework* ""HAH NERD MORE LIKE HOMOWORK"" Dad you're still in third grade ""Probably because I'm not a nerd like you"""

"What do you do if the lights in a Chinese food restaurant are too bright? Dim Sum."

"Why don't the dutch have a space program? Their spaceships Netherland."

"Son: Dad, how do stars die? Dad: Drugs, usually."

"If you have your underwear on over top of your pants, I'll let you in line in front of me at the pharmacy."

"My phone didn't get a ring all day. . Then I forgot I had it in lebron mode."

"So there I was at my favorite seafood restaurant having dinner, and I told David, my favorite waiter, that TONIGHT I wanted my fish exactly how I like my wife... ...""Battered it is, sir."""

"4-year-old: Is there candy in that drawer? Me: No. 4: Can I check? Me: Do you have a warrant?"

"Primaries are like childbirth. After a great deal pain, yelling, and recrimination, everyone forgets how awful it was until the next time."