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Joke of the Day

"Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $1.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless."

"Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I'm mostly terrified by how I'll never be able to afford to own a home."

"Yo Mama! What's the difference between your mama and a refrigerator? The refrigerator doesn't fart when you take the meat out!"

"Why did they invent white chocolate? So black kids could get messy too."

"A burrito.. in a bowl? Sure that sounds great! And while you're at it, why don't you rip the blankets off me while I sleep, u piece of shit"

"A blind man walks in to a bar... ...and a chair...and a table..."

"What's worse than getting dumped by your girlriend? Getting denied by a car when hitch-hiking."

"JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa"

"If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one... What type of sandwich would you make?"

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She Gagged."