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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I'm mostly terrified by how I'll never be able to afford to own a home."

"Ever want to have rodeo sex? Get on top and call her by the wrong name and try and hold on for 8 seconds."

"What do you call an elephant in a phone box? Stuck."

"What do lesbians like best about sex? Tastes great...less filling....TASTES GREAT!!! LESS FILLING!!!"

"What is your favorite thing the new iPhone can do? Mine is distract me from my own mortality"

"What do you call empathetic bovine? understand bull"

"Why does Santa come only once a year? (Its not the chimney one) Because it's all his sack can handle"

"Eternal Life And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' But lo, John came fifth, and won a toaster."

"How was Snoop Dogg murdered? Blunt force trauma."

"There's a secret menu item at McDonald's but you can't order it, you can only get it by acting like a jerk. (Cheeseburger wiped on shoe)"