210599

Joke of the Day

"Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault? Of course you have, because that's the definition of an accident."

"Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers? A. They're hard to get started they emit noxious odours and half the time they don't work."

"The dad asks his son: ""What has four legs and isn't alive? Son: ""nice try, a chair!"" Dad: ""Nope. Our dog just died."""

"My wife gives the best headache."

"I text-ed my girlfriend ""goodnight, love you"" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings."

"Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it? Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!"

"I hired a prostitute to indulge my food fetish. She said that for $500 we could spend the night licking food off each other's bodies, although if I wanted guacamole it was $1.80 extra."

"Did you hear about the anesthesiologist with giant breasts? She's a knockout."

"I just found out my wife has an identical twin I saw her on Tinder."

"Me: Omg all the kids are asleep! I can finally sit and relax! Dog: Yeah. About that. *pukes all over living room*"