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Joke of the Day

"Me: Omg all the kids are asleep! I can finally sit and relax! Dog: Yeah. About that. *pukes all over living room*"

"I hadn't seen it in a while, but at a concert last night I saw someone using a disposable camera... It gave me a flashback"

"Why can't sluts count to seventy? 69 is a mouthful."

"How did Kobe Bryant go on his math test? He didn't pass."

"2 integrals are working out at the gym One asks the other 'What are you doing today?' 2: 'Well, I think I can really push my limits' 1: 'Oh right, are you sure?' 2: 'I'm definite'."

"Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means?... Father: It means 'to be happy'. &nbsp; Son: Are you gay? &nbsp; Father: No, son. I have a wife."

"""If you have any questions, just ask. My door is always open."" said the boss at my new job. ""Why do you need a door then?"" I asked him."

"How to stop being intimidated by dates Just think of them as big raisins."

"""Computers will never replace humans."" - Cannibal wisdom."

"Wanna hear a joke about Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? I would tell you but its dangerously cheesy."