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Joke of the Day

"I text-ed my girlfriend ""goodnight, love you"" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings."

"For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest."

"I like my women, like I like my coffee with cream in it"

"What did Obama say to Michelle when he proposed? ""I don't wanna be obama self."""

"Kiss me you fool. Embrace me you dolt. Cuddle me you simpleton. Marry me you megalomaniac. HAVE MY BABY YOU GARBAGE PERSON."

"I keep fixing my door every time my British friend leaves He always brexit."

"Twitter is an amazing source of useful information, the way a haystack is an amazing source of needles."

"How does an economist open a can of beans? ""Assume you have a can opener..."""

"Actually, I thought 50 Shades Of Grey was about Taco Bell meat."

"If an opinion is worth 2 cents, how many cents is an argument worth? It really just depends on how much cents it makes."