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Joke of the Day

"As a gay dude, having a boyfriend with a small penis gets me down sometimes. But I try to stay positive - I'm an ass half full kind of guy."

"I was telling this chick how I almost died during childbirth and she asked me when I'm having another one. I SAID I ALMOST DIED, CRAZY LADY."

"What do you call a lizard that can't get a boner? A reptile dysfunction"

"What is the difference between 69 and an ambush ? With 69 you see the cunt coming at you."

"Have uou ever played the Michael Brown drinking game? You just stand there and take 8 shots"

"What was the Islamic Star Wars fan for Halloween? Hijabba the Hut"

"Harassment. So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, ""Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"""

"""sure was nice of me to give that homeless guy $5 this morning"" [sees Steve Bannon on TV holding a Starbucks] ""son of a..."""

"Me: I found a job! Mom: That's great! What is it? Me: debt collection! Mom:.... Me..... Mom:... Me: I think you know why I'm calling."

"What's faster than light? Darkness, my old friend."