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Joke of the Day

"One I just heard. Part of me says ""I can't keep drinking like this."" The other part of me says ""Don't listen to that guy. He's drunk."""

"My fairy godmother asked me if i wanted a long memory or a long penis... I don't remember what I said... ...but I have back problems now."

"I had a friend who was a mushroom He was a fungi."

"Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war."

"""Alcohol is just water with feelings in it,"" said the girl who failed chemistry."

"A good time I met a girl at the bar and she said she'd show me a good time. So we went outside, and she ran the 100 meter dash in 10.53 seconds."

"What's little,metal, and will ruin dinner A bullet in your face"

"I actually have to see a specialist for daily sex. I mean dyslexia."

"Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?!!!"

"I texted her ""Thankin bout ur butt"" I don't know how much more romantic you can be"