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Joke of the Day

"I think my wife has a surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed."

"My wife says I have a drinking problem.. I don't remember ever getting blackout drunk though."

"Yo mama is so fat that... ...she should really be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem"

"TIL this is a shameless copy of one of the top posts on this sub just changing a few words Woops wrong sub"

"What did the mooron say when he saw the milk cartons in the grass? ""Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"""

"I'm still not sure if I should throw out or keep my old pillow. I guess I better sleep on it."

"I went out the other night and tried a pelican burger for the first time.... It was amazing but the bill was enormous!!"

"What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a robot designed by the Military industrial complex? I'd fuck the robot."

"What do you call a failing brand? Calvin DeKlein."

"I joined Twitter to have something to do while I waited for the repairman. It's only been 3 years, he should be here any month now."