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Joke of the Day

"I'm still not sure if I should throw out or keep my old pillow. I guess I better sleep on it."

"Why does an elephant wear sneakers ? So that he can sneak up on mice !"

"What did the hen say when she saw the scrambled eggs? My poor, mixed-up kids..."

"My girlfriend told me I should grow a beard. If I wanted hair on my face, I would go down on her."

"[OC] What do you call a rodent that sells illegal guns? An Armadealer"

"son i wanted to let u know u were adopted my dad said are u kidding rlly i shouted yup get ready he said they'll be picking you up in about a hour"

"So I was driving home from work tonight, I saw a woman texting whilst driving. It infuriated me so much I threw my beer bottle at her car."

"[Commercial for lawnmowers] [Exhausted looking guy stood in his garden] *Stabs a long sword into the grass* ""There has to be a better way"""

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Unless he's a vegan then I'm pretty sure you can just get there through his p*ssy."

"Do people ever come up and sing your own songs to you? Dave Grohl: Literally all the time Me: What if I say I'm not like the others?"