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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a robot designed by the Military industrial complex? I'd fuck the robot."

"What was Hitler's favorite battery? The nein volt"

"If you elect me president, the national unemployment figures are guaranteed to drop by at least one."

"What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices & accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard"

"Why don't arabs play monopoly with jews? Because jews constantly buy property over the arabs' already bought property"

"A Rabbi, a lawyer, and a Priest are on a sinking ship. The Rabbi says, ""Save the children!"" The lawyer says ""Fuck the children!"" ... The Priest says, ""Do we have time?"""

"The best thing after an intensive argument is the reconciliation sex... ...but boy, do I hate to argue with my in-laws."

"Why do we eat? Because we are hungry"

"Did you guys hear about the kidnapping? He woke up."

"Earth was the first world I created. It has all kinds of problems. #firstworldproblems"