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Joke of the Day
"My wife says I have a drinking problem.. I don't remember ever getting blackout drunk though."
Next Joke
"Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch."
"what should i do for my 30th birthday??? I'm only 23 but it pays to b prepared"
"Why don't women fart? They can't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up pressure"
"So the FBI paid professional hackers to unlock the shooter's iPhone. But whenever I pay hackers to unlock an iPhone, I'm ""too insecure to be in a relationship""."
"[texting] -have a good day You two! *to Ugh *tpp Arghh *yoo DAMMIT *two shit *TOO YOU TOO There! :) -please stop texting me Ha! You two!"
"What do you call a country where everyone is pissed? A urination."
"Did you know Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for christmas? He said it was the best book he's ever read"
"""My Ex is amazing in all ways. My Ex is smarter, more successful, and more attractive than I am."" - bumper sticker I put on my Ex's car"
"What do you call it when you lease false teeth? A dental rental."