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Joke of the Day

"The doctor said to the patient We had to remove a part of your anus Patient- will I be any different? Doctor-Just less of an asshole Edit 1- Changed rectum to anus, credit u/RigorMortis76"

"Why did Oscar Pistorius shoot his girlfriend in the bathroom? Because he's one of the few people in World that couldn't kick down the door."

"My doctor told me to avoid trans fats. I'm really gonna miss Tumblr."

"There is really no easy way to say it, ma'am, but your son has just fallen into the Eyjafjallajokull."

"What do you call an earthquake in NYC? Harlem Shake."

"So hacker group Anonymous declared war on ISIS. Probably the closest ISIS will get to 72 virgins."

"What's large, grey, and doesn't matter? An irrelephant."

"what's worse than messing up a puchline to a joke To get to the other side!!!"

"Did a somersault for the first time in years. I know that's not a good tweet but I'm getting bored lying here waiting for the paramedics."

"Police: We'd like u to come with us to answer some questions about ur husband's disappearance. Mrs. Potato Head eating french fries: why?"