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Joke of the Day

"Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they- *coroner covers the body with a sheet* Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO"

"What does a scientist who has an epiphany while peeing say? Urea!"

"Why does the forest stink during a storm? Because the trees break wind."

"I feel a little bad about peeing in the pool my children swim in, but margaritas."

"I loathe earlier versions of myself as though they were separate people."

"""Bitches always be conforming to unhealthy standards set and perpetuated by the media."" - socially conscious rapper"

"Met a hot waitress at a Seafood Restaurant. She gave me crabs."

"6am: Too tired 8am: This isn't so bad 1pm: OMG so tired 5pm: zombie 8pm: Dead 10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS"

"Why are women's feet smaller than men's? So they can stand closer to the sink."

"Why do southern girls get pregnant so much more than northern girls? Because it takes them so much longer to say ""Kaaa-WIT!"""