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Joke of the Day

"Me: I know you from somewhere Jesus: I get that a lot Me: no I'm sure Jesus: just one of those faces Me: [holding arms out] go like this"

"What's the Middle East's favorite candy? YemenHeads"

"Think about how much women could accomplish if they didn't spend half the day taking pictures of themselves in bathroom mirrors."

"I'm at the phase of Christmas where I'm looking at stuff in my house and going ""I could just wrap that."""

"Why do the birthers...? Why do the Birthers care about where Barack Obama was born (Hawaii, not Kenya) and not where Ted Cruz was born (Canada, not Texas)? Because Barack Obama is black."

"What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married."

"Looking forward to the time when my level of awkwardness becomes socially acceptable."

"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and you shall receive eternal life"". But John came in fifth and won a toaster."

"Oranges got their name from their orange juice-like flavor and orange juice-like color."

"A baby came out of my stomach and I was all ""weird, I don't remember eating that..."""