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Joke of the Day

"Think about how much women could accomplish if they didn't spend half the day taking pictures of themselves in bathroom mirrors."

"A guy walks into a bar and orders an Ovechkin... (Hockey joke) The bartender looks confused and asks ""What the hell is an Ovechkin?"" The guy says ""It's a White Russian with no ice and no cup!"""

"I successfully said ""Worcestershire sauce"" today!"

"ME: Sorry I'm late, I had computer problems. BOSS: Hard drive? ME: Nah, there was no traffic, just the computer problems."

"I already won the lottery. I'm a white male born in the USA."

"I don't mind people sneezing in public. It's that ""Pre-sneeze face"" they make that scares the hell out of me."

"Checking my lotto numbers makes me forget everything I know about probability, and gives me a temporary belief in the power of prayer."

"Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer One turns to the other and asks, ""*does this taste funny to you?*"" The other responds, ""*no.*"""

"""You're never alone."": A phrase that's maybe cute to find in a love note, but horrifying to find smeared on a fogged up bathroom mirror."

"Do all Europeans countries drive on the right? No, the Brits left."