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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if someone is a construction worker or a chemist The way they pronounce unionised"

"Avocado or Donald Trump? Avocado or Donald Trump for president? Well, one is a wrinkly old bag filled with green mush The other one is an avocado."

"What did one tower say to the other? I've got a plane to catch."

"""Hot, lo-cal singles in your area!"" - Diet ads for Cannibals"

"If I had to choose between a stepstool and a device that let's me get even higher... ...I'd take the ladder. (I'll just leave now)"

"I'm well pissed off with my neighbour today. Yesterday he kept playing the same Lionel Richie song over and over at full blast. I wouldn't mind normally, but it was all night long."

"I took my family out to an authentic Chinese restaurant. My wife and I had chow mein and my daughter built 3 iPhones"

"What do you call 5 cats sitting on top of each other? A caterpillar"

"What does a Astronaut that likes to play Basketball eat for Breakfast Space Jam I hope this hasn't been posted yet"

"Husband (right before going to bed): ""Baby here is the aspirin for your headache"". Wife: ""But I dont have any headaches"" Husband: Gotcha!"