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Joke of the Day

"I'm well pissed off with my neighbour today. Yesterday he kept playing the same Lionel Richie song over and over at full blast. I wouldn't mind normally, but it was all night long."

"Tonight the 3-year-old asked: ""How did God make Himself?"" I have to remember to start getting high before bedtime."

"Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!"

"Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty Judge: What? Me: I had it legally changed. Judge: You're Not Guilty? Me: *moonwalks outta there*"

"This World Cup game is crazy Brazil did nazi this coming."

"Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? To whom!"

"Be smart because you won't be pretty forever."

"I went to the doctor with a hearing problem He said ""Can you describe the symptoms?"" I said ""Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"""

"As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft."

"All is fair in drunk and war."