209912

Joke of the Day

"I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, a kind gentleman approached and offered to push my stool in."

"I respect the Secret Service They are the only law enforcement agency in the country that gets in trouble if a black man gets shot."

"Had sex while camping the other day.... It was fucking in tents....."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Arrr Matey!"

"Have you ever heard of the similarities between a choo choo tran and a brthday? Neither have i"

"Whenever I'm nervous on a business call, I just envision the person on the other end of the phone as a muppet."

"""Yes I understand that's your face, but it's also the place where I need to put my butthole."" - Cats"

"Seriously mam there's a fine line between tan and looking liked you rolled around in Doritos"

"The worst thing about Obama's presidency is knowing Will Smith will play him in the eventual biopic and win an Oscar. Fuck that."

"[to snake at news station] you can't do weather anymore ""ssswhy not?"" are we getting rain tomorrow? ""sssno"" do you see how that's confusing?"