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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I'm nervous on a business call, I just envision the person on the other end of the phone as a muppet."

"A man walked into a bar And immediately lost the limbo competition"

"What did the policeman say to his stomach? ""You're under a vest!"""

"I hate when I decide to sleep and my brain goes like ""Come back here! Remember that thing you did, why?"" & we stay up talking about it."

"What do you get when you have sex with the Quaker Oats guy? Oatmeal Creme Pies."

"What did the fish say when he crashed into the wall? Fuck!"

"Why are all lesbians ill? They lack vitamin D"

"What do you call a gay person from Wisconsin? A Dairy Queen"

"Being a penis is rough Your roommates are nuts, your neighbor is an ass hole, your best friend is a pussy, and your owner strangles you every night until you throw up!"

"A guy goes to his Rabbi to price a circumcision... He says, ""Rabbi, how much do you charge for a circumcision?"" And the Rabbi says, ""Not much, I just keep the tips."""