209801

Joke of the Day

"""David you're late again!"" ""Sorry boss.."" [cut to: me running on all fours through a forest chasing deer] ""...traffic"""

"What's the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine? In a Porsche, the pricks are in the inside"

"What swims slightly faster than a shark? The Little Mermaid on her period."

"'Vegetarian' is an old Indian word ... ... for 'bad hunter'."

"Bernie Sanders is such a socialist... ...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa."

"My friend Opie owns a pizza restaurant. Wanna know why it's so successful? Because Opie delivers."

"I can't Colbert it, they were the Stewartship of my news and entertainment."

"So the other day at the ATM an elderly lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her o_O"

"What do you call a starving parrot? A polynomial!"

"My girlfriend is NOT a library book You hear that guys? Stop checking her out."