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Joke of the Day
"How does Liam Neeson like his martini? Taken, not stirred."
Next Joke
"[3 days into dieting] *sees ad for burger & fries* *drowns in his own saliva*"
"Rest areas are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet."
"Ive been told I'm not ambitious enough.... I've been told I'm not ambitious enough. If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine."
"Canadian whiskey is just whiskey that apologizes for your hangover in the morning"
"What did the angered Mother say to her son, the garbage man. Your throwing your life away."
"Police officer asks driver if he recognizes himself. Police officer asks man if he recognizes himself. Then the driver pulls out mirror and says ''yes it is me''"
"Which is better Pirate Bay or Pirate Bae? Pirate Bae, because it never goes down."
"Where does Wonder Woman buy all her stuff? Amazon."
"Dear middle finger, thank you for sticking up for me."