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Joke of the Day

"I started dating this girl online who says she's from Turkey but I'm starting to doubt her. It was definitely Instant-bull."

"What does Hitler say when he's impressed? That's Totalatarily Awesome"

"I like my women like my coffee... ...really hot, and all over my crotch"

"USDA steak inspector? YEP! Chuck Testa!"

"I'm a huge fan Well, I used to be... now I'm an air conditioner"

"Why do postmen carry letters? Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves."

"I've found the perfect weight-loss system for Americans. Convert to the metric system and lose half your weight in just seconds."

"Of course you don't know 'our song.' You didn't know we were even dating, silly. Or that the girl you had lunch with is in my trunk."

"just unrolled my burrito & now I'm having pizza"

"[interview] BOSS: So you have zero experience? ME: Hire me & I'll give u a sweet nickname B: That's absurd.. ME: Lazerwolf B: Welcome aboard"