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Joke of the Day

"Why is the US terrible at league of legends? Because they can't protect their towers."

"What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken."

"Pouring one out for your homie is extra sad because first your friend died and now there's a mess."

"SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: What would you like- ME: I'D LIKE TO CREATE A SHOW ABOUT DOGS COOKING PIZZAS SE: -on your sub? ME: PUPPERONI"

"My wife and I do this cute thing where she sends me pics of kitchen towels she can't decide on buying and I google my life expectancy."

"I got a new thesaurus Its pretty bad, though. Not only that, it's also bad."

"Some days it's little things, the tone of his voice or his words when we're alone, that help me realize I'd rather have the insurance money."

"boys need to work on keeping their Instagram up to date with good pics. I can't show my mom some pic of a fish you caught 120 weeks ago"

"If he buys your drink, but you're really not interested? Smile at him, thank him and then stick the olive up your nose."

"How does a butcher introduce his wife? Meet Patty"