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Joke of the Day

"How do you know your girlfriend is getting too fat? Because she tried on your wife's pants and they fit."

"Where do bees keep their money? In a honey box."

"Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster."

"Don't you hate it when your girlfriend yells out a different name during sex Like bitch, my name isn't ""someone help"""

"Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets ? To run his hands through his hair."

"I said to my doctor... I said to my doctor, ""Doctor, i just don't know what's wrong with me this week?"" He said ""Jim, you're a hypochondriac"". I replied ""Oh no, not that aswell!"""

"""Shelley's coming over."" ""Shelley from work or Shelley who was raised by gorillas?"" *gets hit in the face with poop*"

"Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning."

"What do your sister and snow have in common? I plow both."

"So I took some acid and ate an entire box of Fiber bars. I've been seeing shit for days."