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Joke of the Day

"Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty evil looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours."

"I asked a friend of mine who cheats on his spouse how he sleeps at night. He responded ""With your wife, John"""

"My doctor prescribed a med that has ""weight loss"" as a side effect......I've never wanted to overdose so much in my life!"

"HER: Impress me. ME: I own a record label- HER: Ooooooo ME: er. A record labelER. It makes labels for my Abba vinyls."

"Nobody understands how hard it is for a smooth lover like me... It's tough to find a new lover whenever my girlfriend gets her first pubes."

"Why don't blind people go skydiving? It scares the hell out of the dog."

"I always assume girls who wear ponytails love sucking d*ck. (I assume the same about guys with ponytails as well)"

"Irish chili How many beans do you put in Irish chili? Two hundred and thirty-nine. Why? Because one more would be two-farty."

"""Sit down. I've got some bad news."" (Every Milkman's boss 30 years ago)"

"Juicy J What did Juicy J say when he cummed all over his legs? Jizz on mah feet, yeah, Jizz on mah feet.."