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Joke of the Day

"Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty evil looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours."

"What did the business man say to the gangster? Pull up your fucking pants."

"What do you call a king with a weed addiction? Your royal highness."

"What do the Greeks sing while at sea? your boat, gently down the stream..."

"Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field."

"Me and my girlfriend always wanted a baby. We tried really hard, but nothing worked. We finally got one when we expected it the least! BAM, over the whole windshield."

"As a child I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day It's lucky my older brother told me about it really... \- Milton Jones"

"Did you see the headline about Mayweather being afraid to go outside in the heat? ""Mayweather May Weather May Weather"""

"Obergruppenfuhrer Akbar of the SS was in the Swiss Alps While walking about he spots a group of fugitives from the Reich. He turns to his men and shouts: ""It's a von Trapp!"""

"What happened when the joker dropped an elephant carrying a ten ton weight on Batman and Robin? They became flatman and ribbon. /u/realhermit has left the building."