209095

Joke of the Day

"Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years."

"How do you find will smith in a blizzard? Look for fresh prince"

"A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, ""Where were you between four and six?"" I said, ""Kindergarten."""

"I once had a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing."

"One direction should be renamed 0.8 Direction"

"(Age 22) *chugs bottle of water* Let's shoot some more hoops! (Age 42) *chugs bottle of water* I gotta pee."

"An Egyptian man won't accept that he is a bad swimmer, so he jumped into the river... He's still in the Nile."

"You know how it goes, I say tomato You say what are you doing in my house?"

"What is a pirate's favorite letter? You would think it's 'R' but it's really the 'C'."

"""As CEO of Tortoise Enterprises, this merger with Slug Corp is... Linda, where is everyone?"" ""They all called to say they're running late"""