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Joke of the Day

"My first time having sex... ...was fucking shit."

"how do you know asians have broken into your home? the dog is gone, the homework is done and they're still trying to get out of the driveway"

"inexplicably call ur boss ""shortpants"" until he gets insecure & buys pants that are longer. dont stop til he looks like a kid in dad clothes"

"Ever wondered why starwars episode 4,5 and 6 came before episode 1,2 and 3. Because, incharge of scheduling Yoda was"

"When your girlfriend is PMS'ing, cheer her up by showing her that ""totally weird"" text you got from your ex last night."

"so my girl friend just called me a pedofile i told her that was a big word for a 5 year old"

"Cut to Obama and Biden silently eating schwarma."

"Why did Pee-wee Herman cross the road? He was choking the chicken."

"You know you're getting old when A fart throws out your back"

"When I use my grandmother's cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she's way, way up there repairing the space station"