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Joke of the Day

"When your girlfriend is PMS'ing, cheer her up by showing her that ""totally weird"" text you got from your ex last night."

"What's 2 + Blink 182 46"

"What's the difference between a Syrian school and a terrorist camp? I don't know, I'm just flying the drone"

"[dentist giving me a filling] Me: guh uh hag a hogreg? Dentist stops: what? Me: do you have a boyfriend?"

"Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I had no idea he was missing and I suddenly got nervous thinking I might be a suspect."

"Jubilee is a mutant who can shoot sparks from her hands, and spontaneously destroy electronics by touching them... So she's basically like my mom, if my mom could shoot sparks from her hands."

"I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out... I say bought I actually stole it off a short fat, ginger kid"

"What kind of bee can't be understood ? A mumble bee !"

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasaurass"

"Fire destroys bloodmobile; blood bank trying to B positive about it"