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Joke of the Day

"inexplicably call ur boss ""shortpants"" until he gets insecure & buys pants that are longer. dont stop til he looks like a kid in dad clothes"

"It hurts my feelings when people call me a failure. I'd rather people think of me as successfully challenged."

"""Ok, what shall we call these skewers of food?"" STEVE: How about a Kasteve? BOB: I have a better idea"

"Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn't I?"

"I should have made a website called www.reallydontfit.com and posted all the pics of fat chicks wearing skinny clothes this weekend. @MaleHonesty86"

"When Granpa revealed an exit wound scar from WWII it gave me strength to show him the owie owie bruise I suffered closing a faulty pizza box"

"Pet Insurance Hey baby. Do you have pet insurance? Because I'm about to destroy your pussy!"

"I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say ""you're next"". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said ""you're next"

"The doctor says I cut my sentences short."

"I carry two crickets around in a small box so when I say something that isn't funny I can supply my own sound effects. They get real tired."