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Joke of the Day

"Portland is on fire and the nearest Trump voter is 300 miles away. Democrats have a terrible ground game."

"My insomnia is getting worse But I'm not going to lose any sleep over it."

"If Russia prepares for war the way it prepares for the Olympics then we have nothing to worry about."

"How is Rihanna's boyfriend and power tools the same? They're both Black and Decker."

"How do tree surgeons live? Life on the hedge!"

"Hey, baby, are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you."

"I was trying to make a black guy joke. But it didnt work"

"People who are constipated are such activists. They're seriously always trying to start a movement..."

"If turkeys go extinct and we start eating giraffes for Thanksgiving, I got dibs on the neck."

"Me: yes, I'll take the free burger Cashier: sir, you have to buy one to get one Me: I only want one though, the free one"