218945

Joke of the Day

"Her: (Sigh) How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey? Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!"

"What kind of cars do jedis drive? A toy-*yoda*"

"An inverse exorcism... When you have to summon Satan to get the priest out of the boy."

"My son: Mommy I can't wait to grow up and be a man. Me: Don't be silly son, you can't do both"

"The Unemployed Engineer"

"I had sex with a chicken last night. It turns out the chicken came first, after all."

"My wife hates it when I say ""You are just like your mother!"" Actually, she hates it when I say *anything* during sex."

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection The judge says, ""First offender?"" The woman replies, ""No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."""

"When you're sad, no one sees your tears. When you're happy, no one sees your smile. But try jacking off in the subway. Then *everybody* stares."

"What does a blonde owl say? Why!"