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Joke of the Day

"I've spent the last hour masturbating on the couch. This psychiatrist seems to be taking a lot of notes."

"Chrysler is recalling over 24,000 vehicles due to unexpected brake failure that could put many unsatisfied customers out of their misery."

"I am not a ""Grammar Nazi""... I prefer the term ""Alt-Write""."

"*doctor moonwalks into office* ""Your test results are back Mr Johnson. You tested positive for BEING FABULOUS!!"" *Mr Johnson does the robot*"

"What do you call 5 black people having sex? A threesome."

"Found this diet that's supposed to make you paper-thin. I'm trying to get into the Guinness Book of Records."

"I asked a scientist how close humanity is to speed-of-light travel ""We're relatively far off."""

"There's only one kind of people in this world 1. who are good at maths 2. who aren't 3. whose dog can come up with a better tweet than this."

"What's a pirates FAVORITE letter? *They ALWAYS say Rrrrr* ""You'd think its Rrrrr but it's the sea they love"""

"I always thought i had a good imagination... but it turns out it was just my imagination"